Warning: This story talks about experiences of intimate partner violence.
Part of dating someone new is learning about their past relationships.
If your partner discloses a history of intimate partner violence, you may be wondering how you can best support them.
"I suspect lots of men who are in relationships with women who have experienced violence are against it, and would never use violence, but don't realise they have to change behaviour to make sure their partner isn't dragged back to that place," says Emily Maguire, chief executive of Respect Victoria.
We spoke to Ms Maguire and Australian Psychological Society president Catriona Davis-McCabe for their advice on helping survivors of domestic violence feel safer in new relationships.
Understand survivors aren't 'broken'
A common myth about victim-survivors of domestic violence is they are "broken and can never recover", explains Ms Maguire.
"Victim-survivors have an incredible amount of resilience," she says.
If they are in a new relationship, that means they have "managed to get themselves out of a horrifically violent situation with limited support", and got to a point where they are ready to share their life with someone again, Ms Maguire says.
"That's massive."
She says while the trauma for women will be lifelong, they don't need someone "to fix them".
"It's not your job to be their counsellor," she says.
With that in mind, Dr Davis-McCabe says it is useful to know domestic violence can have chronic mental and physical health consequences.
Anxiety, depression, post-traumatic stress disorder and substance abuse, for example, can be ongoing health issues survivors experience.
And staying safe can be a decades-long fight.
Believe and listen
Learning about the impact of someone's trauma can lead to a more compassionate and understanding relationship, Dr Davis-McCabe says.
When a partner discloses a history of domestic violence, it's important to let them know you are open to hearing about it.
"Tell them: 'I want you to feel safe'," Ms Maguire says.
"Be clear that you will listen to what they are willing to tell you, and listen again when they are ready to add more. This will be an ongoing conversation."
She says it's important to demonstrate you believe what they are saying. Part of doing that means not asking detailed questions.
Remember: It is a privilege this person has shared this trauma with you, and a sign of trust.
Discuss boundaries
Setting clear boundaries is an important part of any relationship, says Dr Davis-McCabe.
When there is a history of trauma, knowing how to "recognise and respond to cues" will help build a secure partnership, she explains.
And Ms Maguire says it's important to consider your own needs too.
"Talk about what both of you need, what makes you both feel safe, how you communicate, are there any triggers?" she says.
Discussions around intimacy will need to take place, especially if sexual trauma is a part of their story.
Ms Maguire says sometimes trauma triggers won't look like what you might expect.
A situation where someone doesn't feel in control of their environment might set off a triggered response.
Ms Maguire uses the example of someone going to the dentist, where they are pulled back into a chair and not able to get up. Or the non-sexual touch of a dentist's finger in their mouth. Those kinds of "everyday" scenarios can cause a trauma response.
A partner may also be sensitive to things you say.
"Perpetrators try to break you down in every way possible; they isolate you, they make you feel worthless," Ms Maguire says.
"Certain things may be taken as criticism because they have been socialised through that relationship to look for criticism as it has always been there in the past.
"Be aware of that, and be positive and affirming of your partner."
It's important to note these are just examples. Every person's experience and needs will vary.
This is why you need to have an open conversation about what that looks like for your individual relationship.
Get educated (and support yourself, too)
Doing your own research on domestic violence will strengthen your ability to support your new partner.
Websites like Safe and Equal and 1800 RESPECT have lots of helpful information for loved ones of victim-survivors.
It can be difficult to hear that something horrible has happened to someone you care about, and it can be triggering if you have trauma of your own.
To avoid ending up in a situation where the survivor feels responsible for your emotional wellbeing following any hard conversations, you might like to seek support elsewhere.
That might look like seeing a psychologist or counsellor, a support group, or by speaking to your GP as an initial step.
This article contains general information only. You should consider obtaining independent professional advice in relation to your particular circumstances.